It is your responsibility to train up your children in the way they should go, so that when they grow up they don't depart from it. Therefore you must have authority in your home, and enforce it. When the law is not enforced, or when there is no punishment for the breaking of the law, it equals to no law. You are the law-giver in your home. It is your kingdom, and you are to rule it properly. For you to be able to guide and lead your children, you must have authority over them. They are not your equals, they are your subjects. You rule, they obey. This is better for everybody. When the roles are clear, there is no conflict. It must be clear to your child who is the boss in the house, and your authority must be unchallenged. If this is the case, your child will obey you, and everything will be harmony and happiness, and your children will have a warm and happy home to come to. If they think they are your equals, and you think they should listen to you, there will be conflict.childinair And they will prefer to be in the street, rather that at a conflictive home. Because of their erroneous idea that they are your equals, which is none other's fault, but yours. This wrong conception pf equality with the parents must be eliminated and fought since day one of your children's lives, and when this is achieved, and they understand that they must obey you, you will be able to -without conflict- guide them in the best paths by which they should go. When a horse is tamed, he can be guided easily by the rider. But a rider can't expect to guide a horse unless the horse is tamed first, and understands, in his horsey mind, who's the boss. In the same way, if your children do not understand very clearly who is the boss, then you won't be able to guide them, they will not listen to you, and you will cry and suffer when you see them destroying their own lives, doing drugs, living in promiscuity, or being lazy, etc etc. You can't blame a horse for throwing you off it, if you never tamed it. You can't blame a teenager for not listening to you, if you never trained him to obey you, when he was a child. Unless you enforce your commands, and are consistent in the enforcement, your commands amount to nothing, and your parental skills are those of an inanimate stone.
BIBLE VERSES ABOUT RAISING CHILDREN, AND SPANKING:
- "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24 )
- "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying" (Proverbs 19:18 )
- "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15 )
- "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
- Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell" (Proverbs 23:13-14 )
- "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15 )
- "Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yeah, he shall give deligh unto thy soul" (Proverbs 29:17 )
- "My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed" (Hebrews 12:5-13 )
- "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 2:6 )
- "Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord" (Colossians 3:20 )
- "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:1-4 )
- "Hear, O Israel: Yahweh our God is one: And thou shalt love Yahweh thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 )
- "And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?" (Luke 6:39 )
SOME PRACTICAL RULES, REGARDING PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT
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LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
It is hard to tell your child to not smoke, if you are a smoker, or to be hardworking, when you are lazy, or to be kind, when you are not kind. You must lead him primarily by example, and you must follow God, if you want him to follow God. But how are you going to follow God, if you don't know His Word? You must read the whole Bible by yourself, to be better prepared to instruct your children in righteousness.
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NEVER SPANK WHEN YOU ARE MAD.
Wait until you cool down, or else it will seem to the child that you are taking a selfish revenge, instead of lovingly disciplining.
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NEVER USE THE PALM OF YOUR HAND,
because you may cause permanent damage to your child's spine. You want to benefit him, not to harm him. You can use, instead, a thin piece of wood (about the thickness of a pencil), which is going to hurt, but not cause any permanent physical damage.
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NEVER ALLOW DISOBEDIENCE TO GO UNPUNISHED.
If you do, you will not eliminate it. The objective is to cancel disobedience, (and spankings, with it). If you have an always obedient child, you won't need to spank him anymore, and you won't get mad at him. He will sense that you love him. If you have a disobedient child, you will get mad at him frequently, and he will sense that not even you, his father (or mother) loves him. It is better to train well your child, (using physical punishment and your good example) so that you like him, and he feels loved, rather than not train him, and dislike your disobedient child. The logic is simple. If your child is a nice child, you will love him more, and he will appreciate it. If you have a brat, you will dislike him, and he will sense that, and will look for love in the streets. Spankings received in our young years hurt less than being unloved, or disliked, by our own parents.
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DON'T REPEAT A COMMAND TWICE.
Spank as soon as there is disobedience, consistently, every single time. This, if you want to eliminate disobedience. If you want your child to obey you inmediately, you must train him to do so. If you repeat a command until you get mad, and wait until you are mad to spank, you are basically training your child to obey you only when you are mad. But if you spank every single time, the first disobedience, you are training him to obey you always, even if your request is given in a kind tone of voice. Don't train your child to obey you just when you are mad and shouting. Spank immediately, and you will be training him to obey you always. If every disobedience is punished, disobedience will be eliminated.
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NEVER INSULT YOUR CHILD,
make a mean comment or remark. (This is hard to do when your child is an insolent brat, thanks to your poor training). If you train your child well, you will like him. But if you don't, you will hate him, as the Bible says, in Proverbs 13:24 . Never insult your child, because angry words are remembered a lifetime. Instead, a spanking hurts for just some minutes.
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DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE,
when you tell him to do something. If you train your children to obey you only when you shout at them, don't blame them for not listening to you when you ask nicely. But if you train them to obey you, even if you request things from them in a very kind manner, with a soft tone of voice, then you will have obedient, nice children. In few words: if they KNOW that you mean business, even if you ask nicely, they will obey you. But if they know that they can get away with disobeying you, unless you start shouting, then they will act in consequence. Do you want your children to listen to you, even if you ask nicely? Then they must know that you mean what you say. You must spank if they don't obey the first time you tell them something, and do it every single time. So that they know for sure that even if you ask in a soft manner, you mean it.
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DON'T WAIT UNTIL THEY GROW UP,
Or until they understand reasonings, to teach them to obey you. Don't say to yourself: "it's just their age, when they grow up they will obey". No. Even dogs can be trained to understand what you want. Your child is more intelligent than the brightest dog. You can even train toddlers, to respond to physical stimuli. If you didn't train them to obey you when they were 2 year old, don't blame them if they don't obey you when they are teenagers. It is your fault, not theirs. If you tell a dog which you just bought: "bring me the newspaper", and it doesn't obey you, it is not its fault. It has not been trained. In the same way, if your children don't obey you, but they were never trained to obey, don't blame them. You can start training even toddlers. The Word "no", for example, can be reinforced with a light touch with the switch (not even painful, but symbolic). If your child, under 2 years old, understand and obeys when you tell him "no", he is more likely to obey you when he is a teenager, and wants to try cigarettes, and you tell him "no". Or when your girl becomes a teenager and is invited to a party. If they have been trained to submit to you, you will have a much easier time getting their compliance, when their strength is equal or superior to yours. But if you didn't train them, when they become older, you will see helplessly how they do things that are not good for them, challenging your instructions. It is in the BEST interest of your children to be taught to obey you, as early in their lives as possible.
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DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE BAD ASSOCIATIONS.
"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." (Proverbs 13:20 ). Who is a fool?. Most (unspanked, undisciplined) children are foolish: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him"(Proverbs 22:15 ). That means that it is better for your child to be in the company of adults, but if you allow him (her) to be in the company of children, make sure that these children are wise. Who is wise? "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever" (Psalms 111:10) Only children who got foolishness "driven far from them by the rod of correction," should you allow your children to befriend. "Be not deceived: evil companionships corrupt good manners" (1st Corinthians 15-33) In biblical times, children lived with their parents, and they learned from them whatever they needed for life, and in some cases, the rich hired mentors, to train their kids in sciences and letters. But there was no "public school". The child was most of the time, supervised, and under the authority of his parents. Today, a child is more likely to beat up, or shoot the teacher, than to be spanked by the teacher, in public schools. Be extremely careful, to regulate and control all associations of your children, if they happen to go to public, or private school. Homeschooling is the best option for Christians, but if because of financial difficulties they go to public school, you must be extra-careful about their associations. Also, you may ask and find out about a Christian teacher in their school, and ask him to be your eyes, in the school, to tell you all that goes on with your child. You can better choose a teacher to help you in this way, if you have read the whole Bible. If the school allows it, encourage the teacher (if he is very highly trusted) to spank your child, if he does wrong. Or to tell you about whatever your child does, so that he receives his proper reward. But don't even trust a teacher. It is your responsibility, more than anyone else's, to protect your child from bad associations. All the good work that you do at home, could be spoiled by the abundant bad associations of school.
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CAST YOUR TV INTO THE TRASH.
Do this without delay, because the TV is an open window from hell, a sewage terminal dumping its load into your house. This appliance is not evil in itself, but the TV shows that are available are about 99.9% of the devil. This claim might seem exaggerated to you, until you read the whole Bible, and realize how evil the world really is, how everything that is common and acceptable out there, is abomination to God. If you throw the TV to the trash, you do better. Otherwise, at least you can cancel your cable subscription, and save some money, but it is highly advised that you get rid of your TV altogether, because it is a tool of satan, to corrupt the minds of God's people and of all people. TV's, cell phones and computers decrease the time that the family spends together, time that could be used reading the Bible together, or singing praises to God together. A Christian family should have plenty of communication among its members. What happens in today's world is that while mom is watching a soap opera, Dad is watching the sports, daughter and son are testing on messaging their friends. And it is a bunch of strangers living together, without a warm union, as it should be the norm in Christian families.
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DON'T BUY CELL PHONES FOR YOUR CHILDREN.
Don't allow them to have private conversations with who knows who. If any wants to talk to your child, let him/her call the house, and talk to you first. Don't let a young person, who is of Satan, have private access to your child, and offer him/her the temptations of the world.
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DON'T ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO USE THE INTERNET, UNSUPERVISED.
Don't allow him to have a personal page, where others may contact him/her privately, without your knowledge, and talk about things, without your knowledge. Don't allow him to have myspace, or facebook, etc. These things are for men, not children. When you decide your son or daughter can have an e-mail account, or a facebook page, as long as they live under your roof, you should have access to their private mail. When they are independent, have their own house, or are married, then they are responsible for what they do, before the Lord. But as long as they are children, dependent on you, everything that they do, is your responsibility.
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TEACH YOUR CHILD TO WORK HARD.
Make him use his time in things that will be profitable for him, like learning mathematics, reading the Bible, doing chores, learning a musical instrument or a new language. Make him. It is your right as the parent to tell your child what to do, and not only your right, but your duty. "A child left to himself will put his mother to shame"(Proverbs 29:15 ). If a child is left to himself, he will rather watch nickelodeon instead of learning math, or learning to play the guitar, or learning Japanese. But if you make him learn things, which in the moment are not pleasant to do, but tedious and repetitive, these things will be a blessing later when he grows up. Instead, the easy and pleasant things to do (watching TV, playing video games) will not be profitable in any sense for him, but are empty, vain and useless distraction. "In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury" (Proverbs 14:23 )
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MAKE HIM READ (AND WRITE, IF POSSIBLE) THE WHOLE TEXT OF THE BIBLE.
By age 12, your child should already have gone through the whole text of the Bible, if he was born in a Christian family, and besides this, it is good to have, with your whole family, a time set-apart to read the Bible together. This, if you are a Christian, of course. You can get time to do such a thing, if you eliminate the TV and other unnecessary, frivolous and time-wasting activities from your life.
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AVOID HIM LISTENING TO WORLDLY MUSIC, OR BUYING NON CHRISTIAN CD'S.
If you read the whole text of the Bible, you will see how the morals taught in most of today's music are radically opposed to the morals taught in the Word of God. You can't serve two masters. Either those singers are of God, or of satan. There is no middle ground. After reading the whole Bible, listen to those singers, and decide: are they of God? or of satan?. Are you going to let your children have access, or be exposed to, satan's music?. No. Instead, you should expose God's music to those who are lost under the power of satan.
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PREPARE YOUR CHILDREN FOR MARRIAGE!
The desires for a partner of the opposite sex are intensified with the coming of adulthood (commonly called puberty). With puberty, your child starts turning into an adult, his/her body starts becoming that of an adult, and also his/her desires start racing at unprecedented speeds, for companionship with the opposite sex. When your son is getting a beard and deeper voice, and your daughter is developing her body, you should treat them already like adults, and not children. Traditionally, in agricultural societies (like that of the Bible), a young man would be able to marry at such an age, when he has an intensified desire for a lady. But in those days, a young man could work and build his house at 16, or 17, and support the home with his work in a farm, or in a trade learned from his father (blacksmithing, carpentry, masonry, etc). But today, many 30 year old men can not even support themselves. Unless a man can support a wife, it would be very difficult to marry, for marriage produces children and it is expensive to support a family. Also, a young lady in a biblical society would help the household with the work of her hands, (Proverbs 31 ) and thriftiness, and was to obey her husband in everything. (Colossians 3:18-19 ). But today, a young lady spends loads of money in clothes, and does not know how to submit to her man. So, it is of the utmost important that you teach your son, as soon as possible, to be able to love and support a wife (Ephesians 5:25 ), by gifting him with a trade and a Christian education and that you teach your daughter also, to wait in the Lord until she gets married and to submit well to her husband, as if to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22 )
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DO NOT ALLOW BOYFRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS!
Your child's lips should reach marriage unkissed. The choosing of a mate should be a matter of the whole family, and of the most careful consideration. In no wise should your daughter or son be allowed to be hanging out with non-Christian friendships, exposed to temptation!. The mate should be chosen only from among Christians, and not just any Christians, but faithful ones, of equal or superior faithfulness to that of your own. If you follow God with all of yourself, you would not want your child to get together with a lukewarm Christian!. Remember that this is a choice for all of life, and you should not tolerate one bit of a chance of failure, in it. Your son or daughter, after coming to physical maturity, should wait until they reach the legal ages for marriage, before they marry, and if courtship happens before the legal age for marriage is reached, it should be carefully monitored, and with a young man/woman of complete trustworthiness. Courtship should not even happen, unless both sides of it are sure that they want each other for marriage. "Testing the grounds", "driving the car before buying it" is unthinkable for Christians. If courtship happens, it should happen after the young man and young woman have had plenty of opportunity to get to know each other, in public meetings, like church, or family dinner. Courtship should happen after the young man is decided that he wants to marry the young lady, and vice versa. Not "to get to know each other". If you think this is extreme, read your Bible and you will see that not even courtship you can see much in the Bible, but marriages arranged by the parents (most likely with the consent of the children, of course. Nobody would want to make his child marry a completely bad person, or one completely unaccepted by the child). Do not allow boyfriends or girlfriends. Instruct your daughter to send all those who want her, to talk to you. "Talk to my dad". If your son wants somebody, make sure this lady is of the highest quality, or else forbid your son to pursue her. Keep your eyes open looking for options, since early. Don't make your children wait forever to marry, or else they could fall into sexual sin, and it will be your fault. Don't be hasty and marry them off to the first one that comes, or that could be a horrendous mistake. Keep their friendships under control!, and limited to those of fine young Christian men and ladies. Even within the church, instruct your children about who is eligible and who is not, forbidding to get too close to who is not.
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